A short alphabetical guide for anyone thinking of posting a comment on the Mail/BBC Have Your Say messageboards.
For the full list you need to get yourself over to the Liberal Conspiracy site!
I shall set out a few in this post that “Tickled my fancy.”
ALCOHOL – benign, harmless substance when consumed by anyone over 45 which is also toxic and dangerous drug when administered to YOUNG PEOPLE or FERAL YOUTH. Should be taxed when drunk by YOUNG PEOPLE but not by others, who are of course responsible and never do anything wrong.
BBC, THE – Pinko commie bastard scumbags who love liberals and want our children to be gay. Bonus points for saying “I BET YOU WON’T PUBLISH THIS, COMMUNIST BBC!” whenever you submit anything to the HYS messageboard.
BINGE BRITAIN – the sudden liking for alcohol which has happened since 1997. No-one underage ever drank anything before then, but now all of a sudden everyone is drinking, from the age of four upwards, then having a fight afterwards. Anticipated by Hogarth in his famous “Gin Lane under NuLab”.
BROKEN BRITAIN – propensity towards violence and lawlessness never seen in country until Tony Blair was elected. Don’t believe the CRIME STATISTICS!
BROWN, GORDON – please don’t use his correct name. Acceptable names are Jock McBottler, Gordie McHaggis, Tartan McBroon, Jimmy McIrnBru, etc. Must be blamed for everything in the world, eg man attacked by hedgehog in New Zealand.
DEATH PENALTY – should be brought back for all crimes that make white people feel scared at night, regardless of true nature of crime.
GUARDIAN READERS – wilfully ignorant yoghurt-weaving sandal-clad Islington-dwelling fools who want to strangle our babies and kill everyone, bringing a wave of MULTICULTURALISM and LIBERAL values to our ONCE-GREAT COUNTRY.
HELL IN A HANDCART – phrase that implies that immigration or liberalism will destroy the bedrock of our society and that doom can only happen in some unspecified time in the future.
IT NEVER DID ME ANY HARM – can be used for bullying, beating, torture, any kind of child abuse basically.
LITTLEJOHN, RICHARD – hilariously funny, better-than-Proust chronicler of HELL-IN-A-HANDCART PC-GONE-MAD NU LAB bonkers YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT UP Britain.
NATIONAL SERVICE – should be compulsory for everyone younger than me. Never did me any harm! Or the Krays.
NEW LABOUR – A bunch of Stalinist scum who are deliberately killing our children. Please use the correct term ‘NuLab’.
NORMAL PEOPLE – anyone with rabidly right-wing views, cf THE SILENT MAJORITY.
ONCE-GREAT COUNTRY – Britain. Used to imply that starving Indians to death and raping other countries was actually the thing we should be proudest of as a nation.
SOCIALISM – despicable ‘failed experiment’ (cf MULTICULTURALISM) which makes everyone miserable. The politics of NULAB, regardless of tax breaks for the rich, tax increases for the poor, etc.
UNIONS – appalling 1970s rapists of industry who brought the country to its knees and whose sole purpose in life is to wreck Great Britain. Bonus points for ‘Striking won’t do you any good, you’ve got gold plated pensions?! What about me, I don’t have a union, I just get on with my job and I love my 0.1 per cent pay rise?!’
YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT UP – catch-all Littlejohnian phrase for things which are, as it turns out, frequently actually made up.
YOUNG PEOPLE – See FERAL YOUTH. Are responsible for all crime everywhere ever. Listen to evil music that makes them mad and kill grannies. Should have been disciplined more properly with THE BIRCH and then they wouldn’t have turned out this way. But sadly THE PC BRIGADE is in charge of our education and let them off everything.
ZERO TOLERANCE – would solve everything. All children found on streets killed would mean no more yobs bothering our grannies. Being flayed alive for theft would stop all thefts instantly. But will this Government do anything? No they won’t!
Check Mate.
15 08 2008I wasn’t going to comment any further on the current situation in Georgia, not until the dust settled anyway, but someone drew my attention to an article posted on the Times Online.
Most of the article is reasonably good, but the reference to Putin playing chess and checkmating the West is…presumptuous. It doesn’t take into account that once a chess match is over another one can start.
The US has begun delivering Humanitarian aid to Georgia, Russia objects to this and has also questioned whether the supplies are humanitarian at all. But what is Russia going to do about it? With Americans now in Georgia, would Russia seek a confrontation? I would suspect the opposite would be true.
US Warships have also entered the Black sea to deliver aid. They will no doubt sail towards Georgian port of Poti, where the Russians, earlier today were reportedly destroying the Georgian military installations. Would the Russian navy seek to impede the US Navy? I would suspect that again the opposite would be true.
Also, Poland has just signed a preliminary deal with the US on plans to host part of its new missile defence shield. Naturally the Russian have opposed this. But what can they do about it?
There’s been a lot of talk over the last few days on what the US can do, with its army tied up in places like Iraq and Afghanistan they were never going to send troops to Georgia. But the US Navy isn’t heavily committed to these conflicts, nor is the US Airforce and these are the forces that are now coming to the aid of Georgia.
So did Russia win?
Georgia may have lost its entry into Nato, its presidents actions which is something akin to throwing yourself into the path of an oncoming truck and then expect your friends “Nato” to stop the truck before it runs you over, have just confirmed its instability, but this won’t stop the US from assisting with the Military and Civilian reconstruction efforts.
Russia may have achieved checkmate, but at the possible expense of losing the next game, one that has already begun to go against it.
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Tags: America, chess, Georgia, military, Nato, Poland, Russia, South Ossetia, US
Categories : Europe, Politics, comment