A short alphabetical guide for anyone thinking of posting a comment on the Mail/BBC Have Your Say messageboards.
For the full list you need to get yourself over to the Liberal Conspiracy site!
I shall set out a few in this post that “Tickled my fancy.”
ALCOHOL – benign, harmless substance when consumed by anyone over 45 which is also toxic and dangerous drug when administered to YOUNG PEOPLE or FERAL YOUTH. Should be taxed when drunk by YOUNG PEOPLE but not by others, who are of course responsible and never do anything wrong.
BBC, THE – Pinko commie bastard scumbags who love liberals and want our children to be gay. Bonus points for saying “I BET YOU WON’T PUBLISH THIS, COMMUNIST BBC!” whenever you submit anything to the HYS messageboard.
BINGE BRITAIN – the sudden liking for alcohol which has happened since 1997. No-one underage ever drank anything before then, but now all of a sudden everyone is drinking, from the age of four upwards, then having a fight afterwards. Anticipated by Hogarth in his famous “Gin Lane under NuLab”.
BROKEN BRITAIN – propensity towards violence and lawlessness never seen in country until Tony Blair was elected. Don’t believe the CRIME STATISTICS!
BROWN, GORDON – please don’t use his correct name. Acceptable names are Jock McBottler, Gordie McHaggis, Tartan McBroon, Jimmy McIrnBru, etc. Must be blamed for everything in the world, eg man attacked by hedgehog in New Zealand.
DEATH PENALTY – should be brought back for all crimes that make white people feel scared at night, regardless of true nature of crime.
GUARDIAN READERS – wilfully ignorant yoghurt-weaving sandal-clad Islington-dwelling fools who want to strangle our babies and kill everyone, bringing a wave of MULTICULTURALISM and LIBERAL values to our ONCE-GREAT COUNTRY.
HELL IN A HANDCART – phrase that implies that immigration or liberalism will destroy the bedrock of our society and that doom can only happen in some unspecified time in the future.
IT NEVER DID ME ANY HARM – can be used for bullying, beating, torture, any kind of child abuse basically.
LITTLEJOHN, RICHARD – hilariously funny, better-than-Proust chronicler of HELL-IN-A-HANDCART PC-GONE-MAD NU LAB bonkers YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT UP Britain.
NATIONAL SERVICE – should be compulsory for everyone younger than me. Never did me any harm! Or the Krays.
NEW LABOUR – A bunch of Stalinist scum who are deliberately killing our children. Please use the correct term ‘NuLab’.
NORMAL PEOPLE – anyone with rabidly right-wing views, cf THE SILENT MAJORITY.
ONCE-GREAT COUNTRY – Britain. Used to imply that starving Indians to death and raping other countries was actually the thing we should be proudest of as a nation.
SOCIALISM – despicable ‘failed experiment’ (cf MULTICULTURALISM) which makes everyone miserable. The politics of NULAB, regardless of tax breaks for the rich, tax increases for the poor, etc.
UNIONS – appalling 1970s rapists of industry who brought the country to its knees and whose sole purpose in life is to wreck Great Britain. Bonus points for ‘Striking won’t do you any good, you’ve got gold plated pensions?! What about me, I don’t have a union, I just get on with my job and I love my 0.1 per cent pay rise?!’
YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT UP – catch-all Littlejohnian phrase for things which are, as it turns out, frequently actually made up.
YOUNG PEOPLE – See FERAL YOUTH. Are responsible for all crime everywhere ever. Listen to evil music that makes them mad and kill grannies. Should have been disciplined more properly with THE BIRCH and then they wouldn’t have turned out this way. But sadly THE PC BRIGADE is in charge of our education and let them off everything.
ZERO TOLERANCE – would solve everything. All children found on streets killed would mean no more yobs bothering our grannies. Being flayed alive for theft would stop all thefts instantly. But will this Government do anything? No they won’t!
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